Aviatrade announces Aviatrade’s supersonic market bizjet (SSBJ) entrant…a prior blog revisited for posterity (and April Fool’s Day)
HyperMach Now Aiming for Mach 4 Bizjet…….together with (latterly) Aerion, Spike and Boom…(a tongue-in-cheek challenge to the SSBJ market entrants).
So, fellow cloud-stabbers, we now have ‘Hyper Mach’ or whatever the latest hyperbole-laced earth-bending starship is called……Rising to this latest challenge, Aviatrade is not going to stand on the sidelines (or in any hangar bathroom stall) while some johnny-come-quickly outflanks us with some tricky wicker-basket-based technology.
Therefore, we are announcing, with some fanfare (and jet-engine-money-sucking noises), our breakthrough market-stomping SSBJ….the MegaHypaZoom(Mach) bizjet.
This unbelievable (sic) pocket rocket will travel at many many times (so many we’ve lost count already) the speed of light. In fact, it will be so quick, it will arrive before it departs…..brilliant huh ??? This of course means that we will save lots of fuel and passengers will actually look younger as they slide down the escape chutes after the botched landing by our incapable crews, (did I mention that it only needs a forty-thousand foot long airstrip for landing and take-off).
Speaking of fuel, we have secretly developed (in a deep disused Minuteman silo littered with defunct taxpayer-funded top secret plans for Armageddon) a tree-burning ultra-high-reverse-bypass engine….therefore the MegaHypaZoom(Mach) will be congruent with present-day ‘green’ fuel fakers and carbon-footprint collectors etc., etc…..and, (wait for it), we intend to burn only trees dredged from submerged ancient forests and thereby re-inject good old H2O back into the edge of the atmosphere…….ingenious plan is it not ? (and oh, I forgot to mention, there will be a solar-powered log-splitter that will be installed in the space where the cabin crew would normally sit and read the free newspapers and eat passenger leftovers….aka the “galley”).
Of course, we’re not putting up any of our own money for this little jape, (we’re not stupid)….instead, we’re desperately hoping to bamboozle an unsuspecting OEM and suck up some of that there ‘gomment’ (aka tax payer) moola that seems to perennially disappear down these whizzbang jet transport concept black holes. Actually, as previously stated, there won’t be any black holes with the MegaHypaZoom(Mach) …..because it’ll be too bloody quick !
We know that all of you aircraft spotters will be very excited to hear about the MHZ(M) and we are cautiously optimistic about our chances of fooling everyone that we come into contact with in the aviation world and beyond (……Mars ?).
However, as with all such wildly ambitious and foolish designs, we are taking some precautions with regard to testing market acceptance….to this end, we are going to ask one of our dogs (the chocolate Havanese) to give it the ‘sniff test’….because as we all know, it takes one dog to know another !